Throne of the Eternal Amoeba King

Tuesday, August 16th 2011

More barbaric than Conan! Darker than the dark side! The Amoeba King stars in ...

Throne of the Eternal Amoeba King

The Ultimate Conquest of the Universe

Efervescent Threall the Many Eyed One squinted heroically into the distance.

He sniffed the air.

"I smell victory," he said.

He looked down at the army that covered the plain below.

Giant crab-like things rustled. Knights sat astride them, looking suave in golden armour. Tall golem-like things stood ten foot tall, carrying huge grey clubs. Weird, masked, hooded creatures with five legs stood bent over strange, twisted spears. A hoard of dishevelled dragons had assembled, emitting the occasional plume of smoke. Trolls stood in the distance, casting furtive glances at the Mammoth Riders (the Mammoth Riders had been known to accidentally crush their compadres). Grim, sharp-tooth humans clad in glowing loin cloths chuckled to themselves ...

And then there was a thunderous roar. A crash of lightning. An explosion of energy in the sky.

A huge, pink blob appeared on the horizon. It had a single, giant eye.

A huge, universe-encompassing voice boomed out.

"Hi guys," it intoned. "Everybody doing alright?"

And with that the army roared.

"All hail the Amoeba King," they shouted, holding various weapons aloft. Bashing swords on shields. That sort of thing. All sorts of strange hollers, roars and squeals of delight were heard.

"Gets me every time," whispered Efervescent Threall the Many Eyed One to a nearby henchling. "The King has such a sense of theatrics."

"Don't you think his tone is a little casual?" said the henchling.

"Silence!" shouted the King. "My tone is cool."

The amoeba king adjusted a tiny little army gelatinously.

"Okay, right," he intoned. "I have conjured up an inter-dimensional warp gateway to transport us to Earth ..."

A giant, swirling, inter-dimensional warp gateway appeared.

The army oohed and ahhed.

"... and we will commence Operation 100% Planet Invasion Maximum Earth Attack."

The army seemed a little let down.

Sensing the disappointment, the Amoeba King paused for a moment. "The name is preliminary," he explained.

And with that the army erupted into another round of "All hail the Amoeba King".