Saturday, August 14th 2010

(With apologies to Kev)

Steve walks on to the stage. The curtains part behind him. They portentously reveal a giant robot.

Behind the robot there's a big screen revealing a well known logo.


You're going to love this. This is awesome. We're all inside the mind of this guy, which I've got right here in my hand. It's incredible. And we're going to call it iKevlor, and we're going to release it today.


Mighty iKevlor.

(crowd bows before kevlor)

Steve nods smugly.

Great, isn't it! I'm going to give you a quick demonstration. So you can see why we think you're going to love it as much as we do.

Okay. (Steve adjusts a setting) Here's the flaming axe of vengeance. We've worked really hard on this. We're really proud of it. It's great. It's the best axe in its class. There's no axe like it. We looked at all the other axes and thought - we can do better.

His eyes are lighting up, see that! Really stunning, beautiful engineering. And look at that battle armour. And the giant smooth chrome cod piece with no seams. It's beautiful.

BOOM! The flaming axe of vengeance smites, just like that. So easy.

And now ...

And just one more thing ...

(crowd goes silent)

I'm going to show you something so amazing that even I was amazed by how amazing it was.

The iKevlor is also a world encompassing supermind that can read your thoughts before you even have them.

We call it "Overfiend Mode". And it's built into all the models. And once you use it, you'll be amazed.

Let's demonstrate it with a little example.

Hear that voice in your heads? Yes. It's okay to say yes to it. That's the new supernetwork telling you - buy our new iKevlor.

But - more amazing than that - it's already predicted you wanted it and ordered it yesterday for you. You already have one!

Audience checks their pockets and - lo - the iKevlor is already there.


And now, over to James Mahon, our new Vice President of Giant Cycloptic Eye Optimisation to talk about the great new release of the Ultimate Deathbeam we have made for you. It's more Ultimate than ever before.