Domesticated Military Jargon

Thursday, January 26th 2012

Personalised Domestic Operating Station (P-DOS)- Your home.

Suburban Resource Collection Sweeping Procedure - Going shopping.

Income Generating Forward Operating Base - Your Work.

Minimal Ration Requirements to Maintain Operational Efficiency (MRR-MOE) - "Mr Moe" (colloq.) Food.

Suburban Resource Dump Shopping Centre.

A Volatile Operational Capacity (VOC) - something you're not very good at.

Multidimensional Discordance Situation (MDS) - you are confused.

Zero Feedback Waiting Position (ZFWP) - "Ziff Whip" (colloquial). A person hasn't called you back yet and you're waiting for him or her to do so.

Example of usage:

I was at my P-DOS but I needed to get myself some Mr. Moe. Fortunately I had some cash from my income generating forward Ops, so I was ready to go. But Suburban Res. Coll Sweeps are a VOC for me. So when I got to the Suburban Resource Dump I was in a Multidimensional Discordance Situation. So I called my wife, and now I'm in a Ziff Whip.

Mesmor

Wednesday, January 25th 2012

Mesmor

Memeing!

Tuesday, January 24th 2012

What is the Memeing of this!

(Thanks for Emlyn for inspiring this one)

The Old General

Monday, January 23rd 2012

The old general stood at the top the hill. He gazed down inscrutably at his great army.

One of his adjutants looked nervous.

The general detected his discomfort.

"Speak," he said.

"Our enemy is strong," said the adjutant.

"The winter bamboo is always strongest before it is weakest," intoned the General.

"Sir?"

"When a snail eats the Eagle then you know the grass hides snakes."

"General, I ..."

"The bamboo is always weakest before it is strongest."

"General," the adjutant paused. "You, er, have no idea what you're talking about do you?"

The general paused. Narrowed his eyes. Adjusted his footing.

"The wind," he said eventually, "will blow the apple before it is harvested in the winter."

"Fuck! Absolutely no fucking idea at all!"

The general shrugged. "You're right. But you'd be surprised how well my book of aphorisms sells."

"General?"

"I can crank 'em out all day. All day."

The adjutant was about to speak.

The general interrupted.

"After a storm," he said, holding up a cautionary finger, "the acorns fall in the forest."

Mozmuk

Saturday, January 21st 2012

Mozmuk

The Dragon Taming

Friday, January 20th 2012

The mystical wizard of Ancient Azibard unfurled his dragon taming flute. He took a deep breath.

It was his first dragon taming.

He was nervous.

"Your dragon taming flute is weak, wizard," boomed the dragon. "In 1000 years of attempts to tame me I have never seen as pathetic a flute."

"Silence, foul worm!" cried the wizard.

"That's hardly stinging repost is it," said the dragon.

The wizard began playing the Ancient Azibardian Song of Dragon Taming.

"Just putting the song in italics won't help you," said the dragon.

The wizard played on.

But the dragon seemed unperturbed.

The wizard was confused. According to the teachings of Master Zeffertanianpled the dragon should have been tamed by now.

"You do realise," quoth the dragon, "that you're playing the Ancient Azibardian Song of Dragon Seduction don't you?"

The wizard paused.

His heart leapt a beat.

He had heard tales of what happened to wizards who made this error. Ancient tales. Tales other apprentice wizards only mentioned in passing. Usually accompanies by some awkward chuckling.

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