Manners and Lies

Wednesday, September 29th 2010

Imagine a mum and her kid in a shop.

"Look at that man, he's sweating," says the kid, loudly.

"Shh. You can't say that."

"Mummy. He's fat as well."

That wouldn't go down well.

Manners

"You mustn't be rude," she's say to the kid.

What she's teaching the kid is is that pointing out reality is wrong.

Yes, it helps is you're kind. But this isn't about being kind.

And there's something else. What she's really saying is the fat man who is sweating is rude. There's something wrong with him. Don't point it out!

So children get confused. They start out seeing things directly, as they are, and are told not to communicate them. Eventually the inner dialogue becomes confused. Turht comes in, is processed, and comes out censored and, well, full of shit.

You get things such as: "that behaviour is not appropriate", "I think you need to work on personal presentation", "I'm sorry, we can't make it next week ... we have, er, another engagement."

And things you perceive as an adult, that a kid would not notice, are censored as well.

To the point that everyone lives in their own bubble, unaware of what people really think about them. Manners prevent honesty.

It's a sad state of affairs.

So, I thought ...

Year of Radical Honesty

... would be a great book. I'd take stock of my friends, job, etc, and then be completely honest for year.

Then, I thought, what is honesty? What I had given consideration to? My first impression? What? I decided on just making my private thoughts public.

And then I thought ... what would this mean.

I realised I wouldn't even get through a day.

Garfinkling.